School Holiday Arrangements After Separation: Practical Guidance For Parents

How separated parents can plan school holiday arrangements, reduce conflict and keep their children's needs at the heart of decisions.

School holidays can be a source of excitement for children, but for separated parents they often require careful planning. Questions about where children will spend their time, how special occasions will be shared and whether holidays abroad are possible can all become points of tension.

Estella Newbold, Partner and Head of Family at Lester Aldridge, shares practical guidance on planning holiday arrangements, reducing conflict and keeping children’s wellbeing at the heart of every decision.

Between summer trips, family celebrations, childcare needs and differing expectations, it is not unusual for disagreements to arise over where children should spend their time. While every family is different, planning ahead and keeping children’s needs at the centre of discussions can help reduce conflict and create a more positive experience for everyone involved.

Why holiday arrangements matter

For children, school holidays are often a time to relax, spend time with family and create lasting memories. Following a separation, maintaining strong and meaningful relationships with both parents can provide important stability and reassurance.

Although there is no single arrangement that works for every family, children generally benefit when parents can communicate effectively and make decisions that support their wellbeing rather than focusing on past disagreements.

Start planning early

One of the most common causes of conflict is leaving arrangements until the last moment.

Discussing holiday plans well in advance gives both parents an opportunity to consider work commitments, family events, childcare arrangements and travel plans. It can also help children feel more secure when they know what to expect.

Many families find it useful to agree a framework for school holidays at the start of each year, covering periods such as:

• Summer holidays
• Easter holidays
• Christmas and New Year
• Half-term breaks
• Special occasions such as birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Having a clear structure can reduce uncertainty and avoid repeated negotiations.

Keep communication focused and constructive

Separation can make communication difficult, particularly in the early stages. However, when discussing arrangements for children, it is important to keep conversations practical and child-focused.

Different methods of communication work for different families. Some parents are comfortable speaking face to face, while others prefer emails, text messages or co-parenting apps that help keep discussions organised.

Where communication has broken down, family mediation can often provide a constructive environment to explore options and reach agreements. Mediation enables parents to discuss arrangements with the support of an independent, trained mediator and can often avoid the need for court proceedings.

Focus on your child’s needs, not adult disputes

Holiday arrangements are rarely successful when they are driven by what parents want rather than what children need.

Factors that may be relevant include:

• The child’s age and stage of development
• Existing routines and activities
• Relationships with siblings and wider family members
• Travel arrangements and practical considerations
• The child’s wishes and feelings, depending on their age and maturity

Children benefit from feeling able to enjoy time with both parents without being placed in the middle of disagreements or feeling responsible for adult decisions.

Remember the wider family

School holidays are often when children spend time with grandparents, cousins and other relatives.

These wider family relationships can provide a valuable source of emotional support, continuity and belonging, particularly following a separation. When making arrangements, it can be helpful to consider opportunities for children to maintain those important connections.

Flexibility can go a long way

Even where there is an established arrangement in place, circumstances change. Family celebrations, holidays abroad, weddings or unexpected events may occasionally require some flexibility from both parents.

Compromise is not always easy, particularly where there is a history of conflict. However, a willingness to consider reasonable requests can often help create a more cooperative co-parenting relationship in the long term.

A successful arrangement is not necessarily one where everyone gets exactly what they want. It is one that meets the children’s needs and can realistically be maintained.

Taking children abroad during the holidays

Foreign travel can be a particular source of disagreement following separation. Before booking a holiday, it is important to ensure that any necessary permissions are in place and that travel plans have been discussed well in advance.

If there is a Child Arrangements Order in force, or if there are concerns about obtaining the necessary consent from the other parent, it is advisable to seek legal advice before making travel arrangements. Addressing any issues early can help avoid unnecessary stress and disappointment for both parents and children.

What if parents cannot agree?

In England and Wales, parents with parental responsibility are expected to make important decisions about their children together wherever possible, including arrangements during school holidays.

If discussions become difficult, mediation can often help parents reach an agreement without the need for court proceedings. However, where agreement cannot be reached, it may be necessary to seek legal advice.

Should an application to court become necessary, the court’s primary consideration will always be the child’s welfare and what is in their best interests.

When agreement feels impossible

Despite their best intentions, some parents find themselves unable to reach an agreement about holiday arrangements. Seeking legal advice at an early stage can help clarify your options, reduce uncertainty and support a constructive way forward.

Early intervention can often prevent issues from becoming more entrenched, allowing parents to focus on solutions that support their children’s wellbeing.