Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and non-monogamous relationships like throuples are gaining more recognition in today's society.
A throuple—also known as a three-person relationship—is a dynamic where three people share a committed connection, offering a refreshing alternative to traditional monogamous relationship styles.
With more people exploring ethical non-monogamy, relationship types like throuples, open relationships, and other forms of polyamory are becoming increasingly visible. However, navigating these relationship dynamics comes with unique challenges, especially when it comes to understanding how Australian family law applies to non-traditional setups.
This article, put together by some of our family lawyers here at Unified Lawyers, explores the concept of throuples and other non-monogamous relationship styles, debunks common myths, and sheds light on the legal complexities they face. Whether you're curious about the topic or seeking advice for your own three-way relationship, we'll help you uncover how these relationships work and what to consider moving forward
What is a throuple relationship?
A throuple relationship is a committed connection between three people who actively choose to share their lives together. Throuples are one of many relationship styles within the umbrella term of ethical non-monogamy (ENM). This concept prioritises open communication, consent, and mutual respect among the people involved. Unlike open relationships, which may involve multiple partners outside the core relationship, a throuple relationship typically focuses on the bond between the three people involved and creating a supportive and balanced connection between all three partners.
And while every throuple is unique, in this type of relationship, the partners may live together, share responsibilities, and even raise children as a family unit. The dynamics can vary, with some throuples maintaining equal footing between all partners, while others may have different dynamics based on individual needs and preferences.
For example, some throuples might view their relationship as their ideal relationship style, valuing the emotional and practical support provided by multiple partners. However, it's important to recognise that throuple relationships are not for everyone and require a strong foundation of trust, open communication, and an understanding of each person's boundaries to thrive.
As society becomes more open to non-monogamous relationships, throuples are challenging traditional norms and creating new ways for people to build fulfilling partnerships that suit their unique lifestyles.
What's the difference between a throuple and other forms of polyamory?
While a throuple is a type of polyamorous relationship (poly relationship), it has distinct characteristics that set it apart from other non-monogamous relationship styles. A throuple involves a committed relationship between three people who actively participate in the dynamic together, often as equal partners.
Polyamory, on the other hand, is an umbrella term that encompasses a wide variety of non-monogamous relationships. These may include open relationships, where partners date or form connections with others outside the core relationship, or polycules, which can involve multiple interconnected partnerships.
One key difference lies in the focus of the relationship. In a throuple, the connection typically revolves around the three people involved as a cohesive unit. This might mean shared living arrangements, collective decision-making, or mutual emotional investment. In other polyamorous setups, partners may have multiple individual relationships that operate more independently.
For example, a throuple might involve three partners who all share equal footing and view their bond as their ideal relationship style. Meanwhile, a polyamorous person in an open relationship might have one primary partner while exploring connections with others.
Ultimately, throuples represent one of many ways polyamorous folks can approach love and relationships. The key is finding a dynamic that works for the people involved and prioritising clear communication, respect, and mutual consent.
Some myths about throuples
Despite growing awareness of non-monogamous relationships, throuples are often misunderstood. These misconceptions can create unnecessary stigma and challenges for those in a three-person relationship. Let's address some of the most common myths:
"Throuples are just about sex."
This is one of the most pervasive myths about throuples. While intimacy may be a part of the relationship, it's not the defining characteristic. Throuples, like other relationship types, are built on trust, emotional connection, and shared goals. Many throuples focus on creating a life together, complete with shared responsibilities and long-term plans.
"Throuples can't have stable relationships."
People often assume that non-monogamous relationships are inherently unstable. However, stability in any relationship—whether it's between two people or three—depends on clear communication, mutual respect, and effort from all partners. Many throuples thrive by prioritising equality and support within their dynamic. In fact, some throuples find that having three partners creates a stronger support system, allowing them to navigate challenges more effectively.
"Throuples always end in jealousy or conflict."
While jealousy can arise in any relationship, throuples often address it through open and honest communication. Establishing boundaries, discussing feelings openly, and seeking solutions together are key to managing jealousy within a three-way relationship. Like monogamous relationships, throuples face challenges, but they can overcome them with effort and understanding.
"Throuples are for people who can't commit."
On the contrary, throuples often require a deeper level of commitment because more people are involved. Balancing the needs of three partners takes dedication, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to navigate complex dynamics. For many, this relationship style reflects a strong commitment to building a life with multiple partners, not a lack of commitment.
Throuples and Australian family law
While throuples and other non-monogamous relationships are gaining social recognition, Australian family law has yet to fully address the legal complexities surrounding these relationship types. Under current laws, only two-person relationships, such as marriages or de facto partnerships, are formally recognised. This lack of recognition can present unique challenges for throuples, especially when it comes to matters like property division, child custody, and financial agreements.
Throuples do not fit neatly into the existing framework for de facto relationships or marriages. In disputes involving property or finances, only two partners may have legal standing under Australian law. This can leave the third person in a throuple without the same legal protections or rights, even if they have contributed significantly to the relationship or shared household.
When children are involved, navigating custody arrangements becomes even more complex. Australian family law prioritises the best interests of the child, but it does not provide clear guidance on how to account for three parental figures. This can make it difficult for throuples to establish co-parenting agreements or advocate for equal rights in raising their children.
What can throuples do to protect their interests?
Despite these limitations, there are some legal strategies throuples can use to safeguard their rights and responsibilities:
- Binding financial agreements: These agreements can outline financial arrangements and property rights, offering protection for all three partners in the event of a breakup.
- Wills and estate planning: Including all partners in wills or other legal documents can help ensure their wishes are respected.
- Parenting plans: For throuples raising children, a parenting plan can outline shared responsibilities and decision-making roles.
- Legal advice: Seeking professional legal guidance ensures that agreements are tailored to the specific needs of the throuple and align with Australian laws.
Navigating the legal landscape as a throuple requires careful planning and clear communication. While the law may not yet fully recognise throuples, taking proactive steps can help protect the interests of all people involved.
What to consider before entering a throuple
Deciding to enter a throuple is a significant step, and it's essential to approach it thoughtfully. While a three-person relationship can be deeply rewarding, it also comes with unique dynamics and responsibilities. Here are some key considerations:
- Are all partners equally interested and committed?
Throuples thrive when all three people share a mutual desire to build the relationship. If one partner feels hesitant or unsure, it's crucial to address their concerns openly before moving forward.
- How will you manage communication?
Clear communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and it's especially important in throuples. Regular check-ins, setting boundaries, and openly discussing emotions can help ensure everyone feels heard and valued.
- What are your expectations and boundaries?
Defining the structure of your throuple is essential. Will it be an equal partnership among all three, or will certain dynamics take precedence? Discuss expectations around intimacy, decision-making, and day-to-day interactions to avoid misunderstandings later on.
- Are you prepared for potential challenges?
Jealousy, time management, and external judgment are common challenges in throuples. Being proactive about addressing these issues and seeking solutions together can help strengthen your bond.
- Have you considered the practicalities?
Logistical aspects, such as living arrangements, financial responsibilities, and legal protections, should be carefully planned. Creating agreements or seeking legal advice can help safeguard everyone's interests.
Entering a throuple requires emotional readiness, mutual commitment, and a shared vision for the future. By taking these factors into account, you can build a relationship that works for everyone involved.
