According to a 2009 American Community Survey, only 45.8% of children reach the age of 17 while still living with their biological parents who were married before or around the time of their birth. Additionally, 72% of divorces occur within the first 14 years of marriage. Often, it is the children of divorcing parents who feel the effects of the separation most deeply. Providing tools to help your kids navigate this process can make one aspect of this journey easier.
How to Talk to Them About the Split
It's important to be honest with your children about matters that are relevant to their needs. Providing truthful information is essential, but they don't need to hear every detail. For example, you should avoid discussing topics such as infidelity or potential drug and alcohol abuse. Instead, focus on explaining how their daily routine will change, whether one parent will have a new home, and what the new schedule will look like.
If you haven't yet reached a point in your case where a temporary parenting plan has been established, or if you and your ex have not come to an agreement, avoid making premature statements about what you think will happen. Doing so can lead to feelings of mistrust, anger, and blame. It can be helpful to let your children know that some decisions are made by the court, which can take the pressure off you.
Helpful Tips for These First Hard Conversations
- Plan your response in advance. You know your child, anticipate their questions to the best of your ability so you can be prepared with an appropriate response
- Reassure your children they are loved by both parents
- Stay neutral or positive about the children's relationship with the other parent
- Be prepared for a reaction, be that anger, sadness or silence
Allow your Children to Grieve the Relationship
As you navigate the intense emotions of losing a partner, your child is experiencing similar feelings while also coping with the changes in the family dynamic. It's important to create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and emotions. Acknowledge that their feelings are valid, and work together to find ways to support them. This could involve seeking help from a therapist or engaging in activities suitable for their age that encourage emotional expression. Stay proactive and maintain an open dialogue to understand what approaches may or may not be effective for your child.
Invest in your Own Well-being
Research has shown that divorced parents often struggle to provide the emotional support their children need. Understanding the emotional strain that divorce can place on your kids, it's important to be proactive. Your children need you now more than ever, which means finding ways to offer them the necessary emotional support. This might look different for everyone, but it could involve seeking the help of a therapist, attending a workout class, or investing time in a hobby that allows you to slow down and relieve stress. Whatever works best for you, take action, because you are now responsible for being there for your child when they need you the most.
The Lawyers at Beresford Booth Are Worth Your Time
When choosing a lawyer, consider these factors and take the time to interview multiple candidates. Ask about their experience, fees, and approach to cases. Ask about the best way to communicate with them. Trust your instincts and choose a lawyer who you feel both comfortable with and confident in.
The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.
