Divorce is one of the most significant decisions a person can make, and for some, it's followed by an unexpected and often painful feeling: regret.
While many people feel relief or a renewed sense of self after separating, others begin to question whether they made the right choice. They might replay the past, wonder if they gave up too soon, or compare their current situation to the life they had before. This feeling, known as divorce regret, isn't uncommon and it can affect both men and women, whether the decision was mutual or made by one party alone.
Some people regret divorcing because they expected life to improve instantly, only to face new emotional or financial challenges. Others realise that the issues they were trying to escape have resurfaced in subsequent relationships, or that their first marriage had more value than they recognised at the time.
It's also not unusual for ex-spouses to discover they still care deeply about each other – sometimes after months or even years apart. In some cases, regret stems from the belief that with more effort, support, or marriage counselling, things could have been different.
In this article, our divorce lawyers Sydney explore how common it is for people to regret their divorce, what signs to look out for, and how to cope with these complex emotions. Whether you're still going through the divorce process or already living your post-divorce life, this guide is here to help you make sense of what you're feeling – and to remind you that you're not alone.
How common is divorce regret?
While every relationship is different, divorce regret is more common than many people expect. In fact, studies and surveys over the years have shown that a significant number of people regret their divorce or at least question whether they made the right decision.
Some reports suggest that up to 50% of divorced individuals have second thoughts, especially if the divorce happened during a rough patch or was influenced by external stress like financial problems, infidelity, or pressure from friends or family.
There's also growing awareness that many couples separate for the wrong reasons, such as poor communication, feeling emotionally distant, or believing that a new relationship would solve their unhappiness. Unfortunately, those same problems can follow them into second and third marriages.
People don't always talk openly about regret after divorce, often because they feel shame, confusion, or fear of judgment. But behind closed doors, many people wonder if they could have tried harder, sought more support, or stayed married and worked through their challenges.
Of course, for others, especially those who've experienced domestic violence or betrayal, divorce was absolutely the right thing. Regret doesn't always mean wishing to go back, it can also be a natural response to loss, change, or grief over what could have been.
Signs you may be experiencing divorce regret
Regret after divorce doesn't always hit you all at once. For many people, it shows up gradually – sometimes months or even years later – making it hard to recognise at first. You might not even label it as regret, but the signs can start to affect your mood, relationships, and sense of direction.
Here are some common indicators that you may be experiencing divorce regret:
- You constantly compare your current life to the past. If you often find yourself thinking your life was better before the divorce, it could be a sign of unresolved feelings.
- You romanticise your ex or your old marriage. It's natural to reflect on what you once had, but if you're only remembering the good times and ignoring the reasons things ended, it might point to deeper regret.
- You feel lonely even in new relationships. Emotional disconnection in your post-divorce life – despite having a new partner or social circle – can highlight that something important was lost.
- You blame yourself for the divorce. Questioning your decisions, wondering if you acted too quickly, or feeling like you didn't try hard enough can be a heavy emotional burden.
- You imagine what life would be like if you had stayed married. Daydreaming about alternate outcomes or feeling a strong "what if" pull is a common sign that you may regret your divorce.
It's important to remember that these feelings don't make your decision wrong, rather, they just reflect your own journey of processing a major life change. Many people regret divorcing for reasons that are emotional, practical, or even just tied to the natural grief that comes with the end of a long-term relationship.
Reasons people regret divorce
Divorce is rarely a simple decision, and regret can creep in for all kinds of reasons. Some are emotional, others are practical but all are deeply personal. Understanding what's behind your regret can help you make peace with the past or even reconsider your next steps with more clarity.
Here are some of the most common reasons people regret getting a divorce:
Emotional loneliness and isolation
After the dust settles, many people feel an unexpected emotional void. Even if the marriage had serious issues, the absence of a familiar presence – someone to talk to at the end of the day, to share meals with, or just sit beside – can leave people feeling profoundly alone. This is especially true when subsequent relationships don't offer the same sense of connection or comfort.
Financial difficulties post-divorce
Dividing a household into two comes with financial strain. Some people realise too late that the divorce left them in a worse financial position, with less stability and more pressure to cover costs they once shared. It's not uncommon for people to regret their divorce when they face ongoing financial problems or struggle to adjust to a single-income lifestyle.
Impact on children and family
Even when divorce is necessary, it can still be painful to watch how it affects the kids. Some parents regret the divorce because of how it disrupted their children's routines, emotional wellbeing, or relationship with the other parent. Others feel a deep sense of guilt for changing the shape of their family life, especially if co-parenting is difficult or conflict continues.
Comparing life before and after divorce
Once the initial relief wears off, many people start comparing their current life to what they had in their first marriage. If they feel unhappier now, or if their new relationship is bringing up the same problems they tried to escape, that contrast can spark regret. This is particularly common when people realise, they may have been hoping for a "fresh start" without fully working through their own issues first.
In short, people regret their divorce for reasons that often go far beyond the legal process. It's not just about missing an ex-wife or ex-husband, it's about the loss of shared history, the unpredictability of post-divorce life, and sometimes the realisation that the problems weren't entirely one-sided.
How to cope with divorce regret
Feeling regret after divorce can be confronting but it's also a normal part of healing for many people. Whether your regret is tied to missing your ex-spouse, struggling with loneliness, or reflecting on what could have been, it's important to acknowledge those feelings without judgment.
Here are a few ways to start coping:
1. Give yourself permission to feel
It's okay to miss your ex, your old life, or even the routine of your marriage. Regret doesn't mean you made the wrong decision, it simply means you're processing a loss. Suppressing these emotions often makes them louder, so allow yourself to feel them without labelling them as "wrong."
2. Talk it out
Speaking with a therapist or a trusted friend can help you unpack your own feelings. Divorce regret is often tangled up with guilt, grief, and confusion. Talking openly can bring clarity and remind you that you're not the only person who's ever felt this way.
3. Reflect on why you divorced
It's easy to idealise the past when the present feels uncertain. But try to gently remind yourself of the reasons you made the decision – whether it was infidelity, domestic violence, or simply growing apart. Remembering the full picture, rather than just the highlights, can help balance your perspective.
4. Focus on growth
Even painful endings offer lessons. If you're noticing the same problems showing up in new relationships, that's valuable insight. Use this time to understand your own issues, rebuild your identity, and decide what you want for the future.
5. Don't rush into a new relationship
It's tempting to try to "fix" regret by finding someone new. But jumping into a new relationship before you've processed the last one can bring more confusion. Take your time. Focus on building a stronger sense of self before investing in someone else.
Everyone's path after divorce is different. Some people reconnect with an ex-partner, some build stronger future relationships, and others find peace in staying single for a while. What matters most is that you respond to regret with compassion, curiosity, and support.
Real experiences of divorce regret
Regret after divorce isn't just a concept – it's something many people live through in very real, often quiet ways. For some, it's a lingering thought that pops up in the middle of the night. For others, it's a deep emotional ache that surfaces during milestones like holidays, birthdays, or when the kids ask tough questions.
Take James, for example. He and his ex-wife separated after years of drifting apart emotionally. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. But six months into his post-divorce life, he started to feel unexpectedly empty. His relationship with his children changed, the house felt too quiet, and he realised that the small frustrations that once seemed unbearable were actually part of a deeper issue they never tried to fix.
Then there's Lisa, who regretted her divorce not because she wanted to be with her ex-husband again, but because she realised, she brought many of the same issues, like poor communication and emotional withdrawal, into her new relationship. For her, regret became a signal to slow down, reflect on her own patterns, and seek therapy.
And some people, like Maya, regret not putting more effort into the marriage before walking away. "I was so focused on what was wrong," she said, "I didn't think about whether I'd done everything I could to make it right." She later described her ex as her best friend and still wonders if the outcome would've been different had they tried marriage counselling.
These stories show that divorce regret doesn't always mean wanting to undo the past. Sometimes, it's about learning from it, grieving what was lost, and reshaping what comes next.
FAQs about divorce regret
Is it normal to regret getting a divorce?
Yes, it's more common than people think. Many individuals go through a period of reflection after a divorce and question whether they made the right choice. That doesn't mean the decision was wrong, it just means you're processing a major life change.
How long does divorce regret last?
There's no set timeline. For some, it may fade after a few months; for others, it can linger for years, especially if unresolved emotions or ongoing conflict with an ex-spouse remain. Working through your own feelings with support can help ease the weight of regret over time.
Can people get back together after divorce?
Yes, some ex-spouses do reconcile. However, getting back together isn't always the solution to regret. If you're considering it, it's important to understand what led to the divorce in the first place and whether those issues can realistically be addressed.
What if my regret is more about my life now than my ex?
That's valid too. Sometimes people regret their divorce because their post-divorce life turned out to be harder or lonelier than expected. It might not be about missing your ex, but rather missing a sense of security, routine, or shared parenting.
Should I talk to my ex about how I feel?
Only if it feels safe and appropriate to do so. Regret can sometimes lead to honest, healing conversations, but it can also reopen wounds if the other party isn't on the same page. If you're unsure, speaking with a therapist first can help you sort through your thoughts.
The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.
