Q. My wife asked for a divorce. I don't want a divorce for
the sake of our kids and for religious reasons. Can I refuse to
grant a divorce or propose something less than a full
divorce?
A. If you do not want a divorce, a legal separation and/or a
postnuptial agreement ("postnup") may be helpful legal
remedies.
Postnups have enjoyed increasing popularity throughout the country.
Postnups allow married parties to reach agreement about the fate of
their assets and liabilities upon death or divorce. This gives a
couple financial independence and security while allowing them to
remain married. This relief from monetary stressors may ease fears
and tensions that would otherwise lead to divorce. In the event of
divorce, a well-drafted postnup that follows the necessary
formalities can greatly simplify the process and division of
property.
A legal separation is also an option when both spouses are
disinclined to divorce for religious, insurance or emotional
reasons. A legal separation grants relief similar to a divorce,
including awards of assets, liabilities, support, and parenting
rights/responsibilities, but allows parties to remain married and
certain issues to be revisited. A legal separation is very similar
to obtaining a divorce, but without the finality. If a divorce is
later desired, a nearly identical process for divorce would need to
be commenced.
If your wife is truly committed to a divorce, then the law permits
her to obtain one. If that is the case, since you cannot stop the
process, your best alternative is to accept it and select the route
that will achieve the best outcome for you. For most, the best
result is a private, fast, cost-effective solution that you can
design, rather than an expensive and bitter court process that may
take years to conclude. The two options best suited to efficiently
resolve your divorce are collaborative law and mediation. In
mediation, a mediator would facilitate a discussion between you and
your spouse about resolution of each divorce-related issue. You may
attend mediation with or without an attorney or use an attorney in
a "coach" capacity outside of mediation. In collaborative
law, the parties, their attorneys and any jointly retained
professionals work as a team to resolve issues together and with an
agreement to do so outside of court. Both processes are private,
cost-efficient, respectful and preserve a couple's dignity as
they disentangle their marital relationship and move forward
separately.
Published in the Manchester Union Leader, December 2013
The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.