United States: Five Steps To Happiness

This article originally appeared in the June 9 edition of The Legal Intelligencer

To survive and thrive as an associate you need to take control of your life, both professional and personal. Although I haven't been an associate for many years, I well remember those days. I have found that the following five steps have helped me to lead a more fulfilling, well-rounded and happy life, both as a lawyer and a person. I hope that you can incorporate some of these ideas into your own lives … if you're not doing so already.

You were coddled and entertained as a summer associate. You received training and orientation as a new associate. You have a billable-hour target, a pro bono target, all kinds of pressures from partners and from family. You get assignments and deadlines; you are sent out of town. You often feel like a pinball, bouncing from partner to partner, project to project, pressure to pressure. You keep postponing planning your life, reading a book, writing an article, playing with your kids - until after this brief is done, that trial is over, or the project is completed.

All of this tends to make you passive, reacting to the immediate pressures, postponing really living. You start blaming others for your frustrations - that damn client, that unreasonable senior partner, that uncaring, unfeeling law firm.

The fundamental, indispensable pathway to happiness is to take control of your own life. Establish goals, plan your future and periodically stop to assess your progress and make sure you are moving forward in the right direction. You've got to make it happen - don't depend on anyone else to do it for you.

Don't let the daily pressures of work consume you. Think about how you want your career to develop. Don't forget that real life is outside the office and your family comes first. Set aside time for fun, for exercise, for love, for family. Read a book; see a movie; take a vacation. You'll be a better worker if you're also a thinker, a player, a lover. And don't overlook the importance of the spiritual/religious aspects of life.

You may be, or become, a great lawyer. But if that's all you are, you won't be interesting to others or fun to be with - or happy.

Your firm may or may not assign a mentor, who may or may not care about you or be someone you can learn from, relate to, interact with successfully or wish to emulate.

But you will be working with a number of partners and associates senior to you. Find one with whom you can build a relationship. It's personally gratifying for all of us to feel there is someone who looks up to us and wants to learn from us.

Make sure you find the right mentor, demonstrate your loyalty and cultivate the relationship. It's of immeasurable help to your career development and your advancement within the firm to have the right mentor who feels some responsibility for, and takes satisfaction in, your development.

Yes, we need finders, minders and grinders, but let's face it, the most wealthy, successful, satisfied and fulfilled lawyers are those who have clients who look to them for help and come to them with their problems and business deals.

Your superiors may encourage you to start doing the things that will ultimately lead you to become a business producer. Or they may consciously or subliminally encourage you to postpone such efforts. ("We've got plenty of business - we need your billable hours. Learn how to practice law, and then you can worry about client development.")

There are so many things you can and should do now that will yield future dividends - and business. Write congratulatory letters whenever you read or learn of someone's accomplishments. Keep in touch with your classmates. Join a bar association committee. Become active in your church or synagogue, a hospital, a school board. Play tennis, golf or go fishing with someone. Convert that brief you just wrote into an article, get it published, and then send reprints to your mailing list and your mom.

You're travelling to San Francisco (or any other place) to examine documents or take a deposition. We tend to plan our travel so we get to San Francisco just in time and leave immediately to get back to the office. Don't.

Add a day or half a day to the trip. Call or write your friends or classmates in San Francisco or that lawyer you were involved with in a prior case. Use that extra day in San Francisco to have lunch with someone - or to enjoy some of the sights of the city. Just making that effort to get together will put you in that person's mind. Someday that person will be calling you with some business.

The source of happiness is internal, not external. Your job, your money, your spouse, your golf score will not make you happy. You've got to adopt a happy and positive attitude and all the rest will follow. When I was an associate, I developed a "mantra" that I still use today. As I walked into my office every morning, I'd say to myself: "I'm loose; I'm cheerful; I'm good; and I'm tough."

Loose - You may have had your day all planned, but by 9:30 a.m., everything has changed. Expect the unexpected. Be loose, not uptight. You can roll with the punches, take what comes and make the best of it.

Cheerful - Be positive, not negative. Create an imaginary bubble around yourself through which negative energy (and people) cannot penetrate. Think about all the good fortune you have, rather than focus on what's not perfect. If you are cheerful, people will be happy to be with you, and you'll feel happier and healthier.

Good - You've had a good education, you've got your degree, you passed the bar, and you've got more than enough talent and ability to meet the challenges of life and the law. Be confident (but not arrogant), and be proud (with some humility). People will rely on you and can be persuaded by you only if you radiate confidence in yourself.

Tough - Life has its ups and downs, and so does the practice of law. You may not win every motion, every case or every client. It's easy to be cheerful and positive when everything is going your way, but remind yourself that you're tough enough to handle the downs as well as the ups. Don't let yourself be too elated with victory or depressed with defeat.

You're good enough and tough enough to handle life's challenges, and if you stay loose and cheerful, positive, not negative, and active, not passive, you'll find as a lawyer there's no better way to earn a living - and to find true happiness.