What is it about footy players, dogs and bodily fluids? We can't answer that, but we can write something faintly legal about it.*

The start of the NRL season is looming and this year it's Mitchell Pearce's turn to ruin the party before the cheerleaders have warmed up. You've probably seen/heard/felt ill about the footage of an inebriated Pearce at a house party attempting to kiss the female host, simulating sex with a dog and (allegedly) urinating on himself and the host's couch. Yep.

The RSPCA has indicated it is investigating the incident, which must be a relief to said dog (we'll call it Fifi, to protect its identity. Its gender hasn't been disclosed). As Fifi appears to have suffered no physical harm, and thankfully the Daily Telegraph covered its eyes, Mitchell is unlikely to be facing a charge of animal cruelty. Fifi is, presumably, in therapy.

It is well established that football stars and smart phones don't mix well. But there is an interesting legal anomaly in respect of people filming their antics. Generally, the use of listening devices for listening to or recording private conversations is an offence, including using your smart phone to record video and sound at the same time. While the pictures are legally okay, the sound recording could be unlawful if there weren't others in the room. For that purpose, Fifi doesn't count. Which doesn't seem quite fair.

When footage like this is published, defamation also gets thrown around like...well, anyway, it's unlikely that any statements made in the video could be considered defamatory since most of the outrageous statements were made by Pearce himself (unless it was actually Fifi who peed on the couch – would that qualify as revenge porn? We'll save that for a future bulletin.)

And what of Mitchell Pearce's future? The Roosters have stood him down pending an internal investigation. We imagine there would be a provision or two in his contract about bringing the club into disrepute. As we've previously opined here, any discussions about his ongoing employment should allow Pearce a chance to respond to the allegations before a decision is made. Love to be a fly on the wall for that get-together.

*Hey, it's January.

We do not disclaim anything about this article. We're quite proud of it really.