Big divorce cases continued to hit the headlines in 2009. Newspapers focus on the personalities and the "pay outs" but say less about the cost of litigation – both emotional and financial. Nor do they always make clear how litigation can exacerbate disputes and sabotage family relations.

Divorce is never painless. But can some of the pain be avoided by making the process less contentious?

One way is through informal negotiations. This approach can prove fruitful in some cases, but in others a more structured approach is necessary.

Two alternative options are mediation and collaborative law. In the right circumstances they can make the process less adversarial and reduce the ill feeling to which litigation can give rise – while also increasing the likelihood of a mutually acceptable outcome.

Mediation

What is mediation? The idea is that the couple meet regularly with a trained family mediator to resolve the issues they face, whether about their children or their finances. The role of the mediator is vital.

Mediation does not suit everyone. It only works if the husband and wife are still able to talk to each other and sit round a table without their lawyers.

The parties should take legal advice between the mediation sessions, to inform their meetings. But they themselves drive the process – which for that reason is very flexible.

Collaborative law

Collaborative law is a newer idea, originating in the United States. The husband and wife each instruct separate lawyers trained in collaborative practice.

The parties and the lawyers must agree that they will not take matters to court. They seek to resolve the issues constructively in a series of four way meetings.

If the husband or wife changes his or her mind and wants to litigate, they have to instruct new lawyers and start again. This increases their willingness to compromise.

Once again all the parties meet together. But many find it less threatening than mediation, as their own lawyers are present and actively participate – albeit with a view to seeking a constructive outcome.

Collaborative law is not always appropriate. But rates of settlement in collaborative cases are consistently high.

We believe mediation and collaborative law have an important role to play in resolving matrimonial breakdowns. Our family team supports alternative dispute resolution and includes trained mediators and collaborative lawyers.

The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.