To many, it is not in the nature of human relations to bring them to a close in a calm measured and amicable way.  However, all the understandable human emotion aside, there is a "wider picture" that the parties usually have to bear in mind - the children.

Whatever happens in the future, there will be graduations, weddings and, ultimately, the christening of grandchildren where estranged spouses have to be brought together to mark a happy occasion.  It is equally contrary to the most basic instinct of parents to ruin such occasions because they didn't take the "wider picture" into account at that very difficult time in their lives.

Whatever happens as a consequence of a divorce, the wounds will eventually heal.  Indeed, as they will always be the parents of their children, they often forge constructive and supportive relationships in the post-divorce period to ensure that the family functions well.  For this, their children will be ultimately very grateful.

The first step is always the hardest and it is essential to ensure that when you step across the threshold of a solicitor's office that events do not spiral beyond your control.  The client is "the boss" and, upon receiving proper advice, can dictate what, if anything, is done in their name.

Unfortunately, the law concerning divorce dates back to 1973, almost as if there had been no social changes in the interim.  There can't be any sentient being on the planet who believes that a relationship actually breaks down because of the sole conduct of one party, unless they draft Acts of Parliament.  The reality is that nothing is black and white but varying shades of grey.  Regrettably one party has to "blame the other" accusing them of either adultery, unreasonable behaviour or desertion.  It is not an option to divorce your spouse just because you have grown apart.  In that instance, you would have to be patient and wait for between 2 and 5 years after having separated before you can issue the divorce petition.  Those are the limits of the grounds and even the language is framed in terms of hostility i.e. him "versus" her.  Worse still, the person actually issuing the divorce proceedings can in many cases claim their legal fees from their spouse, making them feel that the Courts are endorsing the accusation of their wrong doing.

None of the above actually helps keeping matters amicable.  This is where Collaborative Law comes into its own, where the parties will be guided by skilled lawyers to avoid all those inbuilt "trip wires" that can spark off an unnecessary family feud.

Under the Collaborative Law process, the parties and their lawyers meet to work things out face to face and on first name terms.  All this is against a backdrop of the lawyers having signed an agreement committing them to resolve the issues without going to Court (and ultimately not being able to act if the Collaborative process breaks down).  Immediately, the old fashioned image of the conventional divorce lawyer, paid to fight tooth and nail ultimately via their expensive day in Court, is turned upside down.  It yields a remarkable change in priorities that benefits the parties and indeed the whole family.  They are left to set the agenda and dictate the pace as opposed to the Courts or the lawyers.  In short, they remain firmly "in control" of their own destiny.

The Collaborative process will not be suitable for everybody but it will be for very many.  No one is suggesting that this renders a divorce an agreeable experience but ultimately the family going through such a process would look back in years to come and hopefully feel that they dealt with it in the best possible way for them personally.

to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.